Everything I Do

When I think of love, I think of Bryan Adams.  And of course I think of the ONLY song I ever knew he wrote “Everything I Do, I Do It For You” and not because it was on last Sunday’s Family Guy episode.  And when I really.. REALLY think of the lyrics, one person comes to mind.  But its not because how I feel towards them (though it is) its because I can imagine that person singing it to me.

And that person is DeidreLee Szczepanski.  And I’m going to give her a loving spanking for making me look back and forth to make sure I had that CRAZY last name spelled right.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of my girls, I do.  But when it comes to total servitude, complete and utter devotion at every second.. Dei trumps them all.  Do I wish all my girls were like Dei?  No.  Every girl I have has their own distinctive personality:  Shuggi’s passion for the technical side of RLV, Mei’s adoration and ability to know when I need a smile, Emy’s wit combined with her love feels like I’m watching Full House all over again and Sarah is a trouble-making curious neko with a heart the size of her libido (hint: huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge)

And Dei is incredibly submissive and devoted.

If you know many people at EPIC, SL’s premier Big Breast Dance Club, then you probably already know Dei.  And by talking to others, you’d probably perceive that Deidre is a snarky, aggressive, sharp, silly minx.  When I tell people I know at EPIC how Dei is my pet and she is the most submissive and dedicated girl I’ve ever seen, most don’t believe me.  Because Dei doesn’t submit to just anyone.  She doesn’t let just anyone see how much love and adoration she can give.  No, she saves that for only those she feels worthy.

Apparently I think that includes me.

I met Dei a long time ago when I used to dance at EPIC.  We knew a bunch of friends from a MUSH we both played in (a text based MMO in layman’s terms) and we would chat and have a blast.  One day she found out I could Domme and decided we could do some fun RP in private IMs.  Eventually we created a whole world and story in this RP just from the two of use playing back and forth.. the fact that Dei could come up with the most descriptive scenery had me coming back daily and anxious to play with her, a constant thought of “What’s next?”

We got to talking one day about real submission, I think it was that I wanted to invite her into my family.  I sort of been thinking it had grown beyond just simple RP but she told me that she didn’t, that our RP was much more fantastic and meant more to her in the world we had.  That was fine, I was understanding and it did make a lot of sense.  So on we went, enjoying each others company in the stories we wrote which -some day- I hope to actually write out a short story based on what we had done.

Suddenly out of the blue, weeks later, she wanted to go shopping for collars.  I asked why, especially with her being a dancer, and she confessed that she really did want me to be her Mistress.  So we went collar shopping, got her some very nice silks (No she’s not into Gor but she has her own brand of submitting, she just really likes silks) and had a very long talk.  I welcomed her into my family, introduced her to my other girls and all was well.

Eventually Dei’s passions grew and grew, how much she just took care of me, not even waiting for me to hint or ask or do anything, she instinctively knew what it was I needed, be a foot rub, a cuddling, a bath or whatever.  But to Dei, giving me attention and devotion wasn’t enough.  She spoke that she also wanted to guard and protect me.  So we went weapon shopping, getting her a nice pair of blades and put her to ‘training’.  For those that view SL as a program, of course nothing REAL was involved.  You press a button to swing, oh goodie.  But she actually learned.  She read books on combat, mostly of Asian persuasion, like Art of War to cite an example, she started carrying herself in a more protective manner, and even pledged her life to me.

Everything Dei does, she does it for me.  And in return all she asks is for my love.

Dei, you will get more than my love.  You will get everything and then some, just in case they invent more things past what “everything” covers.  I love you deeply Dei, you make my heart melt to have the privilege to see a side of you that no one else gets to see.

Legs

Sorry about the lack of posting as of late, been entirely too busy with work and other endeavors in SecondLife and ended up getting swamped.  But things have been clear and I’m not so exhausted that I can’t put thoughts down into words anymore.  So where was I?  Oh yes, the second of my girls.

Emy Renard, one of the silliest, snarkiest, fiercely protective girls I’ve ever met that doesn’t hesitate to submit and take care of her Mistress.

I ran into Emy on the Stonehaven patio.  And I mean that literally.  I was on the patio for one reason or another and I ran into Emy who hadn’t yet rezzed for me.  I apologized to the then strange girl I didn’t know and continued talking with whomever I was there to see.  When the girl rezzed, I noticed she was tied up and leash to a pole, by whom I can’t remember, I just know she had gotten caught and was left on the patio.  I think she was naked and just seemed like every other naked human being I’ve seen leashed up on the patio.

So I’m back talking to the person when Emy starts to nuzzle at my legs, gently prodding me and doing a trick that I don’t see many subs do: subtly get dommes to notice them and pay attention to them without actually openly doing it.  Its a skill.  I’ve heard from lots of friends that complain that they wander around with keys out and no one plays with them.  The trick is to manipulate the dommes into noticing you and taking you.  Emy… was perfect at it.  Before I knew it, my full attention was on her and soon I had snatched up her keys and taken her to my house up in the sky.

To be honest, what exactly happened that night I can’t remember.  I know that we talked alot, I might have spanked her bottom red, and that I opened my heart to her, she needed someone.  But I do remember she had told me she wasn’t looking for a Mistress.  I told her that was perfectly fine, I was happy just to play with her and give her attention.  She asked me all sorts of questions about being a neko and I helped her pick out some neko stuff from stores.

So about a week goes by, we did lots of talking and playing and cuddling (one of my favorite things to do) when suddenly she askes me: Will you be my Mistress?  I was floored, I had thought this girl was still trying to heal, to recover from her previous pain.  But she told me not only did she feel better, but it felt like I’d been missing from her life this whole time and she’d be a fool not to want me in her life.

Well I don’t have to tell you I told her yes, sought out the permission of my own Mistress and started Emy out on her trial.  Now, out of all my girls, only two had an official trial and only one was one that really tested my girl.  Meianno’s trial was simply to stay in a doll display case at my side, unable to do anything but look hot and pretty, which Meianno ALWAYS does naturally. *kiss* Emy however, was locked up, gagged, blocked from everything, even IM and leashed to a capsule in the upstairs of my house.

She experienced the same exact trial I had went through when I submitted to Yasmin.

And because of that, I think that Emy and I have a special bond of understanding, a hardship we both endured to prove our love to our Mistress.  Hers, of course, was no where near the length of mine, and to be fair mine wasn’t as long as some of my sisters had gone through (though I’ll get into how it almost shattered me later) but the meaning was still there.

Emy is my devoted pet, even after our work schedules moved so that we rarely got to see each other, she told me that she never wanted to leave me, that I was her Mistress for good and she won’t have it any other way.  Emy is my girl, my love, my hopes, my dreams, my brat, my trouble maker.

She is my Pet, changed from a simple girl, the the loveliest snarky neko that I’m proud to call mine.

Wind Beneath My Wings

So every Mistress had to start somewhere, right?  The one lucky girl who gets to be the Mistress’ first sub.  For me, that would be Meianno Nishi.

And I still have people IMing me saying how jealous they are of me.  And it always brings a grin to my face.

Meianno, or as I lovingly call her, Meichan, is not what you’d think of when you think of a typical sub, at least on SecondLife.  She doesn’t use RLV and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t own a set of cuffs.  But with Meichan, I don’t need them.  If I told her to do something, she’d do it without hesitation.  She submits to me willingly and utterly and the fact I’ve not had to use one bit of restraint for her and yet she never misses a step in keeping up with me amazes me and makes my heart grow fonder of her, each and every day.

She wears a collar, yes, a collar she made herself and put scripts into it, a move that says she would do anything to please me and proudly wears it so that others know she is mine.

But enough about that.. just WHO is Meichan?  She’s a 3′10″ neko with the chest of a 5′10″ porn star.  She’s a dancer at a club called EPIC and enjoys building things, getting into trouble and spoiling me absolutely rotten.  Meichan is the sole reason I got my devotion into building and texturing and is a continuous source of inspiration and help.

Meichan seems to have a 6th sense of knowing when I need a smile.  Even at the oddest hours, when I’m feeling blue by myself, I get a random message on AIM from Meichan, kissing and snuggling me, and it just melts away the sadness instantly.  She has always been a bright and shining start to pierce through the blackness and for that I will always be in her debt.

Meichan, I love you so much and I promise so long as I have breath, I will watch over and care for you just as you do for me, and my love will be eternal.

Jagged Little Pill

How do you say something when all you know it will do is cause pain?  How do you put down into text when all you’ve been is misunderstood?  How can you seek understanding when you yourself don’t understand?  How do you get answers when you’re not sure the questions?

How can you be a Neko Mistress if all you can see in the mirror is a jagged little pill?

Radar Love, Part IV, Conclusion

The why and the how and all that of our Mistress releasing Shuggi is not for me to tell. Even still, I try not to dwell on it. Needless to say not only did I have a very sad kitten, but my Mistress proceeded to tell me that she wasn’t going to marry us. It was a very sad day indeed. A week or so went by and fences got mended and the wedding proceeded as planned.

The wedding. I could gush and gush and gush and gush about this, but I doubt anyone would really care to read about it. The people who meant the most to me were closest to me on the altar: my pets Sarah, Emy and Meianno.. Amalia who gave me away.. of course my Kitten, and then my Mistress who married us. For Shuggi she had her best friend Yar at her side and her bestest guy pal and tree dwarfer Tarl. The wedding went off without a hitch, except for SL going down for everyone between the wedding and reception… which really wasn’t a loss. The owner of the sim felt bad and let us use the reception hall for as long as we needed it instead of just the hour I paid for.. which was a really big bonus as people were coming and going alot during the reception and I had a ton of people to dance with. We heard all the great songs that will forever remind me of Shuggi and the honeymoon after, while very short due to our conflicting schedules at the time, was very very happy.

Of course things couldn’t end like a fairy tale. Thats not to say anything is wrong between me and Shu.. no no, far from it. But everything had seemed to “settle” as it were. But our Mistress was just too much of a drama creator and attention seeker to ever let things lie. Things between her and Shuggi escalated once again and in the end… my Mistress released me for no other reason except association with Shuggi. She claimed it was because she would feel bad for every time she’d call me I’d be pulled away from Shuggi, or that Shuggi would feel left out. Do I believe a word of it? Not after all I’ve seen her do. I don’t believe a single letter of what she spoke to me anymore.

But I’m sidetracking. The point is, the one person that brought Shuggi and I together abandoned the both of us. It was hard times, but Shuggi was there for me and we strived to make each other feel loved and not abandoned. However, there was still an air about Shuggi that things were bothering her, that she wasn’t totally happy as she could be and I did everything I could to try to find out what it was.

Finally one day, early October I believe, Shuggi took me to Atrum Votum.  The Sim has alot of meaning for the both of us so I knew something was up already.  After some snuggling and talking, my kitten looked up to me, kissed me softly and took my hands into hers.

And then she asked me to be her owner.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Radar Love, Part III

For those of you who don’t know what it is, the bane program, in a nutshell, is total isolation. No IMs, no getting close to people, not able to speak, no inventory, no touching anything, no sitting on anything, not even able to listen to people. You don’t even look like you. You’re just a no one. Now you -can- do these things, at least some of them, but for each one you do, you get your sentence lengthed. The sentence starts off with 24 hours. This is usually a couple of days to a week depending on how much you use.

The tl;dr version: it sucks, in my opinion.

I knew Shuggi was going to do bane. We had talked about it alot, asked me if it was okay and then she sought permission from our Mistress and she approved it. Now after the “interview” happened, Shuggi told me they were backed up and it’d take weeks. I figured I’d propose before then so that the bane could be sort of her last hurrah. Turns out I get an email in the morning telling me she got put into it already and that she was abstaining from MSN to keep the experience accurate. I was totally crushed. I wasn’t prepared to be taken away from my lover so quickly. I didn’t eat at all that day, I called in sick to work… it destroyed me. And as the days went by it didn’t get better at all. Only a few members of my family bothered to try to make me feel better and one of them wasn’t even part of my family, a man whom I hope will always be my friend, Munsta Levasseur.

Near the end, I decided I was going to propose to her after she got out of bane. I started coming up with different ways. The one I finally came up with was going to a sim with her and arranging the trees and flowers to spell out “WILL YOU MARRY ME?” My Mistress managed to convince me to wait a few days after she got back, my Mistress had planned on recollaring Shuggi and figured it would be a bit much to have all that rushing back. I agreed and so I planned on waiting.

The day finally came when Shuggi was done with bane. She had sent me a few emails telling me that our Mistress was going to pick her up. The day came and Shuggi decided she wanted me instead. Not sure why to this day, either. So I picked her up, I was so excited to see her finally. Even after arranging a few signs for her to see while she was gone, and even spent the second to last day ‘writing in the sand’ (we would change our profile to what we wanted to say, then would wave to the other person from a distance. They’d read the profile and then respond the same way. Cheating? Yes. Did we care? No.) I still felt like I hadn’t seen her in forever. So I took her back to our Mistress with all our sisters around, and she got her collar put back on and locked. My Mistress IMed me telling me that I should propose to her right now in front of everyone, which took me by surprise. Didn’t she tell me to wait? Part of me thinks she didn’t want me to outshine her own lovers proposal to her… knowing now what I do of her and the things she’s done, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest… or was she regretful she told me to wait and wanted it done right there? Regardless, I proposed to Shuggi in front of everyone.

I don’t need to tell you what she said, do I?

So we planned the wedding, going to have our Mistress conduct the ceremony and marry us. Lots of planning was involved. And yes I’m going to be full of ego right now and admit that 99.999 percent of the wedding was my planning. There were a few things that my Kitten had helped with but alot of it was stuff I found and wanted her opinion on. I’m just that way, once I get my mind on an idea, I see it through fully, not relying on anyone else but myself to complete it.

Weeks went by and the preparations were coming along smoothly. I was excited, she was excited, everyone was excited. In a mere week, the kitten of my dreams was about to pledge to me her heart forever in front of all our friends and family, bound together by the one woman who’s the real reason we met, our Mistress.

And then our Mistress released her.

<Concluded in Part IV>

Radar Love, Part II

Shuggi, needless to say, was a bit taken aback when she was told that she would be my Mistress. I didn’t bat an eye, quickly changing from calling her Shuggi to now calling her Mistress. However Shuggi wasn’t quite ready for it, so it seemed. However she maintained her composure and quickly went to work on me, requesting I make a list of things I had, restraints, clothing, fetishes I liked and timezones and all that. It was quite comforting to finally be under someone who knew to take care of the important things first before jumping right in. Don’t get me wrong, Juliet was nice, but she didn’t have a clue.

So a few days passed where I was under Shuggi’s care. There was nothing particular important about them but they served to lay a foundation between us, the talks that we did. Then there was the fateful night that is solely responsible for where I am today.

If you remember, I told you that by this time, I was a doormat sub. I never spoke up, I never moved to do anything spectacular. I was just there for my Mistress and do what she wanted. Shuggi somehow knew that I wasn’t really like that, but you can’t tell a doormat sub that. You have to trick them to get them to open up. So she invited me out to the Stonehaven patio where her sister Yar was chained up and naked. I was told that Yar was forbidden from reaching orgasm because her wedding date was coming up and was saving herself for her wife, Rayn Halfpint. Shuggi then commanded me to kneel down and tease Yar with my expert tongue. So I did as I was told. Shuggi had to leave for something and told me that I was supposed to do everything I could to tease Yar, but not let her achieve orgasm. She departed… and do you know what happened? I suddenly turned into a Domme. So there I was bringing Yar close to the edge each time and then pulling away. When she begged to orgasm, I caught her roughly and chided her for trying to break her promise. I told her I wouldn’t tell her fiance but in exchange she’d have to do something for me. So I turned her into a neko, ears and tail. I’m sure it was a bit more Domme-y that I’m describing here, but the point was… it blew Shuggi and Yar away that this quiet little girl did this. And that wasn’t the end. The next night, paired with Shuggi, we dommed both Yar and Shuggi’s other sister Tyra Sciarri with some very.. interesting methods. So what was a quiet little introverted neko… Shuggi allowed to blossom into what was really there.

A Neko Mistress.

Of course I didn’t jump right into it. I was still very much a sub. But I had Shuggi helping me along the way to become what I am today. In fact I owe it all to her.. which I repay by not only loving her conditionally, but caring for her, protecting her… and snapping my very own custom armband that acts as a collar around her arm, claiming her as mine.

I’ve never once regretted it.

So the time came when Yasmin made me choose: Was I going to submit to Yasmin, or Shuggi? Well it took me quite a while to decide… part of me regrets that I submitted to Yasmin, but then I realize things between Shuggi and I might be totally different if I submitted to Shuggi. Some days I even imagine what it would of been like now… Well I guess I spoiled it by saying I did submit to Yasmin. And for a bit, I thought maybe I had upset Shuggi by not choosing her.. but we talked and both agreed she just wasn’t ready for it. So from that point, it was obvious that we were both smitten with each other… girlfriends. And all during my trial under Yasmin, which I’ll get into later, she kept me from quitting and did things that just made me fall even more in love with her.

I’d like to say for a moment that I’m aware I use ellipses quite a lot. At least I only use three as what is proper, but I use them for dramatic effect. When I tell a story, I have in my head how the pacing should read. A simple comma doesn’t always do the justice I feel, so that’s when I break out the ellipses. So no emails on them please.

So quite some time goes by with her and I as lovers. We get a house together, we’re sisters under the same Mistress but our bond is so much more. The love we exude is so obvious and washes over everyone we meet, constantly getting compliments. I think we still do to this day. I started getting into building and one day after working on a project for a friend of mine, I decided to make an armband for Shuggi. Because I had recently transformed her into a Neko like me, I engraved the armband “Illy’s Kitten”

The title has forever stuck on her.

As days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, it became more clear that she was submitting to me as well. More than simply loving me, she gave me something that most people has never garnered from her: submission. I knew I could push her limits, make her do things she didn’t think she’d like and I used that to help her grow. There were rough times yes, but we always got through them and we became better for it. It was late July, early August of 2008 when I decided I wanted to marry Shuggi. I started to think of very sweet ways that I was going to propose to her. Life was great, I was so in love and I didn’t think anything could ruin it.

And then Shuggi entered the Bane program.

<To be continued in Part III>

Radar Love, Part I

So as it stands right now in SL, I’m a Neko Mistress with the most wonderful family ever. Of course EVERYONE says that (but only I’m right MWUAH!) but it stands that I have a family in which has gelled together to form one great big entity. Of course it wasn’t always that way and we’ll get to those parts in time. And who knows, maybe from now the family will continue to grow with more. I have a wife, five subs, one Grandsub, a Mistress and a sister with that Mistress. That’s just the -immediate- family. I also have two sisters from a previous Mistress that I’m very close with, as well as a “lover” so to speak.

So this post will start with the misses. Illy’s Kitten.

I met Shuggi Grunspan a few days after my biggest return to SL. I had taken a year break as most of my friends fell out of contact and I just gotten in to other things outside of SL. I was pulled back by a friend I met in another game (A MUSH, a text based free form game) and quickly was introduced to her friends. One of them was a Mistress named Yasmin Heartsdale who would later on collar me herself which we’ll get into later. For now though, she sent me to one of her own subs, Juliet Nitely. It was a rather nice night and Juliet was pleasant. A bit rougher than I liked in a Mistress but I could also tell she was rather ‘new’ at it. I will interject and mention that at this point in my SL career, I had formed a rather submissive personality, and by rather, I mean extremely. I was a ‘doormat’ sub. Yes, Mistress this. I’m not worthy, that. The whole nine yards. I don’t know why I ever fell into it, but once I got into it, I was stuck.. or so I thought. Any how, during the second night, something troubled Juliet badly and she had to log early. She told me that her other sisters were upset and that if I was staying on, I should go to them and make sure they were okay and provide them with anything they needed.

So being the good girl I was, I did. I arrived on the beach to find two of her sisters, Yar Telling and Shuggi Grunspan, talking on the beach. I kneeled down and didn’t speak a word until they said hi to me. I quietly said hi and that was it. They started to ask me questions and generally get to know me. It felt weird to have these two be so friendly to me.. especially Shuggi. She was so nice and so caring, genuinely interested in what I was having to say, even encouraging me to speak more than I was. Yar had to leave but Shuggi, who lived on the other side of the world than me, was up for a very long time… which bode well for me because I was a night owl. So we talked and talked and the next day we talked even more. It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Then some things went to pot with Juliet and while the rest of her sisters gave me their regards, Shuggi offered a wealth of compassion and condolences, making sure that I was alright. I could tell she was sad herself, but she made me a priority. A priority I don’t think she’s ever set down since, not once. That night I spent time with her, Yar and a friend of theirs Aimee Riptide, the Danger Girl. We talked for so long the sun was coming up where I lived. It was that night that Yasmin told me that Shuggi would be my new Mistress.

And that’s where my life changed.

<Continued in Part II>

The Hardest Button To Button

So every journey has a first step, and every saga has a beginning.  I -could- start at the beginning but thats pretty dull and tiring.  Everyone does it right?  So I sat here for a bit thinking “well if I don’t start at the beginning, where CAN I start?”  How about the present?  Let’s talk about where I am now and the people that are in my life.  Then, when we travel back and explore the blossoming of what I was into what I am.. you get little things that I didn’t at the time and its a bit more interesting.  Foreshadowing is the spice of life and Backwards Narrating is an essential tool of literary works.